


Warning Signs

by Princex_N



Series: The Sun Rose as Red as Blood [2]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Autistic Chris, Brainweird, Delusions, Disorganized Thoughts, Gen, Hallucinations, Mental Health Issues, Paranoia, Psychosis, is present but not the main focus of this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 07:20:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4868069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princex_N/pseuds/Princex_N
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>But, No, the upsetting thing is how confused he is. He's so goddamn confused, and he can't hear himself think over how loud his thoughts are. It's like a wall that he's trying to tear down and build up at the same time and it doesn't make any sense, but it's not stopping. He can't control his thoughts at all. </i>
  <br/>
  <i>Maybe that's because he's not in control of his thoughts at all. </i>
</p><hr/><p>A Stand-Alone fic about some of the early signs of Josh's psychosis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Warning Signs

Josh's thoughts go at a million miles faster than the rest of him does, and it's really annoying. 

And inconvenient in the sense that he's in the middle of  _trying_ to take a test, but he's not getting anywhere because his head won't stop spiraling out of control. 

He knows that he's going to fail this test, he's been failing tests left and right it seems because this just keeps on happening. That doesn't make him any less upset. 

He's not necessarily upset because of the test, Josh can't say he particularly cares enough anymore for him to be this upset over the test, even though he  _knows_ that he knows this information, this really shouldn't be this hard for him so he doesn't understand why it's this hard. But, No, the upsetting thing is how  _confused_ he is. He's so goddamn confused, and he can't hear himself  _think_ over how loud his  _thoughts_ are. It's like a wall that he's trying to tear down and build up at the same time and it doesn't make any sense, but it's not stopping. He can't control his thoughts at all. 

Maybe that's because he's  _not_ in control of his thoughts at all. 

He's considered this before, he's not sure who would bother controlling the thoughts of a sixteen year old high school sophomore. He doesn't do much, he's not a particularly useful asset or anything, so he's not sure who's wasting their time. But someone could be, someone probably is. 

 _That's_ the reason why Josh is near tears in the middle of some inconsequential film test. Because he's not in control anymore, and that's really fucking unnerving. 

He's sitting in his seat and rocking back and forth, a trick that he lifted off Chris, and out of the corner of his eye, Josh can see the girl that sits next to him slowly edging her chair away. He wonders if he looks as unstable as he feels at the moment. He's thinking the answer is probably yes, some voice at the back of his mind reminds him to take deep breaths and it occurs to Josh that, yes, he is hyperventilating. He keeps pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead as if that will make whoever is fucking around up there back off, but it's not doing him much good, but something about the pressure is a little bit reassuring and Josh can get all of the reassurance he can get at the moment. 

His paper is only half filled out, and the bell rings in two minutes, so Josh decides "Fuck It" and storms up to the front of the classroom to turn it in. 

The bell ringing is a relief. He grabs his bag and practically sprints out of the room, goes and locks himself in a bathroom stall. 

" _Shut up shut up shut up, get the fuck out of my head and go the fuck away_ ," he's whispering, because he's desperate. He still has classes left today, he's still got the entire goddamn day ahead of him and he can't  _think_ straight, and he doesn't know what to do. He presses the hell of his palm against his brow bone and tries to blink away the hot frustrated tears welling up behind his eyes. 

He should probably tell someone about this. He really probably should, but he  _can't_. 

Josh isn't quite sure what's going on, but he doesn't want to drag anyone in on this. That and he can't shake the sense that no one is going to believe him, that he's going to tell someone about all of this shit only for them to laugh and tell him to stop joking around, or accuse him of faking and  _leave_ and Josh doesn't want to risk that. He can't risk that, so he can't tell anyone. He still thinks that maybe he should. 

He could probably tell Chris, Josh knows that Chris would never think that Josh was lying, but what if he  _is_ lying? What if he's lying and he just doesn't realize it? What if he talks about it and it all goes away like there was never a problem in the first place, couldn't  _that_ make Chris start to wonder if Josh was a liar? Plus, Chris doesn't like to talk about therapists. Josh knows that he should probably tell Dr. Hill about this even though he only talks to the guy because of the depression that seems small and unimportant now, but Josh isn't sure if he can  _trust_ him. He could tell someone else, Josh's parents or worse.  _  
_

Josh can't tell if he's being ridiculous or not, whether that makes sense or not, Josh can't really tell anymore. He wants a second opinion, but Chris has never really liked therapists because of all the shit that happened before his mom pulled him out of ABA therapy. Chris knows that Josh goes to talk to Dr. Hill, but it's just one of those things that they don't talk about. 

Maybe this should be one of those things.

He doesn't know. He doesn't know he doesn't know he doesn't _know_. 

He can't breathe, his chest is tight and his stomach keeps lurching like he's going to throw up and he can't think straight. He feels dizzy. Maybe they're killing him. If they can control his thoughts, then it can't be that unreasonable to think that they're capable of killing him also. 

"Josh?" Someone calls, and Josh freezes, muscles locking up in panic because who the fuck...? "Josh?" Concern. It's Chris, Josh realizes, and he opens the stall door with shaky fingers and peers out hesitantly in case it's, in fact,  _not_ Chris and just someone else stealing his best friend's voice.  _  
_

But no, it looks like Chris, standing in the middle of the bathroom, tapping his fingers against the tip of his ear and looking confused and kind of lost. That's definitely Chris. So Josh calls him over and pulls him into the stall with him, and then re-locks the door. 

"Are you okay?" Chris asks, brow furrowed and Josh can see him tapping faster, which means he's nervous. Josh wonders just how shitty he looks. 

"Yes, NO, I don't know," Josh moans, sitting back down on the toilet lid and tangling his fingers in his hair and  _pulling_ because the dull pain makes things just a little bit clearer and it's something solid to focus on which Josh needs right now. "I'm not- I'm not f- _feeling_ well, Chris." 

And he's really really not, he feels like he's going to be physically sick, what the hell is  _wrong_ with him, what are they doing to him? 

Are they watching him now?

Josh is suddenly very glad that he's locked himself in a bathroom stall, surely someone would have noticed someone coming in here and installing cameras into a bathroom stall, right? That makes sense, this is a high school after all, and something as major as cameras in a bathroom would definitely be caught, right? 

He's not actually sure, there are cameras other places on campus, why not here? 

It registers that Chris is trying to say something to him, Josh feels him grabbing his hands and moving them away from his hair, making him give up the grip he has on it. 

"Are you okay?" Chris is asking, "Do you need me to call someone? Should I go get help?" 

"No! No no no," Josh hurries to say, "No, I'm just, I don't... I don't know what's going on." 

Chris really looks concerned now, "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks, uncertainly, like he isn't sure if that's the right phrase to say. 

"I don't know, I think," Josh stops talking, he's not sure if he should say anything, if he says something does that mean that Chris is going to get pulled into this whole thing. Is this "whole thing" even real? "Something's wrong with me. I just- I d-don't want to talk about it yet." 

"Okay," Chris says, like it's simple. Like it's easy. "Then you don't have to, but you know I'm here for you, bro, right?" 

"Yeah, yes yeah yeah, I know," Josh says, and he does. Chris is Josh's best friend, of course he has Josh's back. No mater what happens, Josh knows that he can  _always_ trust Chris. "Yeah." He pauses, "Can I have a hug?" 

Chris is quiet for a moment, wiggling around in that weird almost dance he does when considering things, then he opens his arms up and smirks a little. 

Their conversation made it easier to think, something to focus on, something still feels fractured and disjointed like pieces of a broken vase that don't quite fit together right. The hug is just reassurance, that he's not alone, which is also nice to know. 

"Do you want to come over and play video games this afternoon?" Chris asks while Josh buries his face into Chris's shoulder. "That's why I was looking for you earlier." 

"Yes," Josh doesn't even have to think about it. Something to distract him, something to take his mind off things (take his mind off of his mind, Josh almost laughs at the ridiculousness of that comment and the  _truth_ of it hurts a little). He absolutely wants to do nothing but hang out with his friend. "Yeah, absolutely." 

The late bell rings overhead, but neither of them move. 

-

Okay so here's the thing. Josh isn't afraid of the dark, in fact, he doesn't think he's ever been afraid of the dark, so it's a little unnerving to suddenly find himself so wary of it. 

Just a little. 

He can't even pin down what it is he's afraid of. But all the same, he can't shake the feeling that there's something out there, something bad.  And it's after him.

Part of him wants to know what it is, but most of him doesn't. Something tells him that if he looks too hard, asks too many questions, then it'll notice him and get pissed off. So he tries his best to ignore it and get on with things the best he can.

-

Beth is the first one to notice that something is wrong.

Josh is standing at the end of the hallway, looking down it and trying to force himself to walk forward. He's breathing a little too hard and his eyes are open a little too wide because he can't see if something is down there but he really wants to know.

"Josh?" A voice asks, and he thinks his heart stops as he turns around to see who it is.

Beth. Just Beth. Jesus Christ.

"Yeah? What's up?" He asks, trying for casual but probably missing by a landslide because he hadn't noticed Beth, and what if she gets caught up in whatever is going on? Josh doesn't think he can protect his sister and himself at the same time, he's not prepared enough for this.

"What's up with you?" She retorts, using that gentle voice that Josh is pretty sure is usually reserved for frightened animals. He wonders when he became so transparent.

"Oh you know, just going to take a shower." Or, he _was,_ he hasn't gotten very far into that process.

"You've been standing here for like, ten minutes." Beth tells him, which is really weird because it didn't feel like he's been here that long. He would have said maybe two minutes. At most. Still it's not the weirdest thing to happen to him in these past few months.

Beth looks at him, and the way his eyes keep sliding back to the dark hallway. Then she walks past him and into the shadows, and Josh has to bite his tongue to keep from yelling at her to stop, because what if he's wrong? What if this isn't real?

What if it is?

He wonders if he's being ridiculous, it kind of feels like he's being ridiculous. It doesn't make sense, he doesn't think. But what if it does? What if he's on to something and they just don't want him to know about it, and that's why he's not sure. Maybe they're making him think he's not sure. But then again, maybe this is just him being delusional.

But isn't that what they'd want someone who's onto something to think?

The lights turn on and a moment later Josh lets out a sharp noise of panic because he'd swear on his life that something dark and shadowy just moved past him. He swears something just ran past him, he swears to _god_.

Beth is standing at the end of the hallway with blatant concern on her face. Josh forces himself not to turn and see if he can catch another glimpse of the thing and instead focuses his energy on forcing a smile on his face.

"The light startled me," he says, "Give a guy a little warning next time, huh?"

Beth doesn't look convinced. She looks worried and nervous, but she doesn't say anything. Josh makes a mental note to do a better job at hiding this shit in the future and goes and locks himself in the bathroom.

-

Showering has turned into a chore because of how nervous it makes him. It's stupid, and he knows that it is, but he can't help it.

He can't see past the shower curtain, he doesn't know what could be out there and he keeps thinking that he's seeing shadows on the other side but when he looks there's nothing out there. Every time he closes his eyes it's like a small panic attack tries to jump start itself, he keeps hearing thumping noises echoing around the bathroom and the hallway outside of it. Every time he opens the door or moves the curtain he has to prepare himself to fight because what if there's  _actually_ something out there this time? There hasn't been anything there the past however many times this has happened, but what if those were just distractions? A way to get him complacent with the noises so that when they actually attack, he's taken by surprise. He can't let that happen, he has to fight. 

It's a nightmare. _Literally_ a nightmare.

And Josh can't look in the mirror anymore because he's too afraid of what he might see behind him. He's too worried about what might be inside the mirror, if he sees it it's gonna get  _pissed_. 

He's getting really tired of dealing with all these things. He doesn't know where they can from, but he wants them to leave him alone. There's only so much a guy can take before it starts to get to him and he starts to go a little crazy.

-

Josh wakes up to the sound of shouting downstairs.

It sounds like Beth and his parents, which is weird. Beth doesn't usually do a lot of fighting with their parents. At least, not screaming matches at seven in the morning on a Saturday types of fights.

"No, I think there's seriously something wrong!! Haven't you seen him?" Beth yells, and Josh stands and edges closer to the door so that he can hear better.

"Look," comes their mothers voice, icy with anger. "Your brother is a jokester, who has a history of lying and over exaggerating. He is seeing a therapist, that's _more_ than enough help for him. So just drop it. Don't get upset about something that isn't real."

Beth makes an exasperated noise and Josh hears the front door slam shut. He goes back to sit on his bed.

Turns out the thoughts and maybe voices whispering at him from the back of his mind had been right all along. Everyone _does_ think that he's a liar.

Or maybe his parents are the ones that are right. Maybe none of this is real. Maybe he's lying so well that he's even fooled himself. Josh isn't sure if that's possible. But nothing else makes sense anymore. Why would this?

His brain is such a chaotic mess for the rest of that day that Josh can't even pretend that he's okay. Can't even fool himself into thinking that there isn't anything wrong with him. He's curled up in the corner of his room (beneath the window so that _they_ can't see him) with his hands tugging on his hair while he desperately tries to figure out what is going on in his mind.

He decides that he has to tell someone. He has to tell Dr. Hill, he can't deal with this anymore. He can't  _do_ this anymore.

But before the next appointment, he's already changed his mind.

-

At some point during algebra, Josh has been covered in bugs.

His skin is absolutely covered with tiny scuttling legs and it's a revolting feeling. He's trying really hard not to move because he _knows_ they aren't real. This isn't the first time this has happened to him, he knows they aren't real.

But that doesn't change the fact that the sensation is terrible and the teacher is talking and her voice just seems to be getting louder and louder the more Josh has to listen to it and it's like something physical driving down on his temples. The bugs are under his clothes and the air conditioner, has it always been this loud? Josh isn't sure, he feels like he's going to implode.

There's a loud banging noise and Josh doesn't know if it's real or not, he tries to look around and see if anyone else is reacting, he can't tell if they're reacting. He looks at the door, did it come from outside? Was it even real at all? How concerned should Josh be about this noise? He isn't sure. There are an awful lot of windows in this classroom. Glass isn't all that strong, it wouldn't take much to break it. Anything could get in.

Someone touches his shoulder and Josh jerks away with a sharp noise, he's half expecting to turn around and find no one there, but when he turns there is Chris. Brow furrowed and swaying a bit where he stands.

"I need to step out." Chris says, and Josh is confused because Chris doesn't usually step out until things get bad and he's not looking like it's bad yet. But josh supposes that it's not up to him and so he stands up and forces a grin at the teacher who is used to this kind of thing happening. Then he follows Chris out of the room.

"What's up Cochise?" Josh asks once they're out of the class and out in the empty courtyard.

"I want to know what's up with you," Chris says, hands planted firmly on his hips, " _Don't_ say nothing, I know that there's something. You don't seem like you're okay, recently." 

Josh can't think of a single thing to say. He can't think of a _single_ convincing lie, and fuck, he doesn't want to lie to Chris anyway. He tries, he thinks this is this first time that he's ever had to actively try hard to lie, and he still can't do it. 

And everything just comes tumbling out. Halted and broken sentences about the things watching him and the things that are after him and the things that he keeps hearing seeing feeling that aren't really real. How he listened to his sisters sing some stupid kid song for twenty minutes the week before, only to remember that they weren't even home when he went to go ask them to be quiet. 

It's awful and it's embarrassing and Josh keeps losing his train of thought and that just makes everything last even longer. By the end of the flood of information, he's breathing a little hard and looking anywhere but at Chris.

Chris is going to hate him. 

"Have you told Dr. Hill?" Chris asks, finally. 

"I don't think I should," Josh whispers, "What if he thinks I'm lying, like my parents do." Josh hasn't even told his parent anything and they already think he's lying, he can't even imagine what Dr. Hill would say. 

"What if I went with you?" Chris says after a really long pause. Josh looks up in shock, because Chris  _hates_ therapists, they make him really nervous. And he's willing to go with Josh? "Like, for support?"

"But, you don't like therapists," Josh protests. Because that's  _true_.

Chris shrugs, he looks a little uncomfortable, "I don't," he agrees, "But you go to Dr. Hill, and you like him, so he can't be all that bad. And we're not going for me, we're going for you. So he doesn't get to tell me what to do, I'm not his patient." 

Josh laughs but it comes out a little teary, he really has the best best friend ever. 

-

Josh tries to back out of this plan three times in the week before the appointment, and Chris never pushes and for some reason Josh feels like maybe that's the only reason he's still going through with this. 

He feels like he barely makes it to the appointment, Chris rides with him there and waits patiently outside of the door when Josh locks himself in the bathroom to try and keep himself from hyperventilating. 

Josh called Dr. Hill earlier, to tell him that Chris was coming along "for emotional support or something" and so the man doesn't look surprised when Chris comes in. He doesn't look surprised when Chris grips Josh's hand and starts to stim for no reason other than to prove to himself that he can. 

"So, Josh, what was it that you wanted to talk about today?" 

Josh takes a deep breath and Chris squeezes his hand in an attempt to reassure him and then Josh starts to speak. "I've been having a couple of problems lately..." 

**Author's Note:**

> No worries, the follow up fic to Breaking Point is on its way, but I read a fic about Josh's mental health issues that really pissed me the fuck off and I had a bad brain day so I wrote this instead.  
> [My Tumblr](http://www.princex-n.tumblr.com)


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